Monday, September 5, 2016

I've been through the wringer this summer. Health issues, pet loss, more health issues.

Early this Summer, my older cat, Gizmo, had a life threatening medical emergency. Had it not been for the generosity of one of my oldest friends, he would have had to be put down because it was not a condition he could survive. He ended up having major surgery, and recovered well by the middle of July, and was playing and being his normal little self.

In mid August I had a medical emergency of my own and during the course of being evaluated at the ER, found out that I had a stroke at some point in the past. Nobody can say when or why. I don't have any obvious serious risk factors, not to the degree that would cause a stroke by my 40's or whenever it actually happened. I don't seem to have lost much in the way of physical and cognitive ability from the stroke, but there are some changes. I have issues with my balance and with putting together sentences when I talk. Mostly when I'm fatigued or stressed.

I had been in the hospital having a bunch of tests ran, and they released me after a few days with pretty much just instructions to live healthier, avoid stress, and followup regularly with my doctors.

I was getting over that entire ordeal, and my cat, Gizmo, that had recovered so well from surgery, had another medical emergency, but this time there was nothing that could be done to save him, the condition was 100% fatal without any chance of treatment, so we had to have him put to sleep to stop the suffering and prevent an agonizing prolonged death. This was a kick in the gut, because after he survived and recovered from major surgery and was living a happy and healthy little life again, this happened. It's just not fair.

I was absolutely crushed, and that night I felt like I was having another stroke or a heart attack or something, and went to the ER. They said I was having a massive panic attack and my heart rate was so high that had they not treated me, I could have had a heart attack or something.

The past couple of weeks, I've been back and forth from doctors trying to manage things. For the better part of a week, I was experiencing one extended rolling panic attack that only stopped when I was so drugged up as to pass out. It's getting better now, and life is slowly returning to normal, but things are still really rough.

I just took my medication to be able to sleep and hopefully I can actually sleep tonight, but we'll see. Sleep has been rough. I can't sleep when I want to, and I can't stay awake when I want to.

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